Harry Potter Goes to Town
by Reptar on Ice
Summary: Oh the woe! cried Harry. I won't ever be pretty! cried Hermione. I'm AKWARD! shrieked Ron. There, of course, is a solution to all of these problems. The entrance of a brilliantly beautiful and shadowy figure from Harry's past, present, and future. MP


Harry Potter Goes to Town  
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Chapter one-The Meeting  
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Note: I am one of three under the group name of Reptar on Ice. My collegues also have amazing work so you should check theirs out as well.

Greetings, Readers. This is my first posted parody on and I hope you all will find it quite entertaining.

No disclaimers: There's nothing to actually warn about. Tis but a parody. No harm in that, right?

This is a multi-chapter _Saga_. That means it's a hardcore parody.

So read it, laugh about it, do whatever-it's in **your** hands now.

-The Mighty Pifflewinker

Disclaimer: I do not own this.

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Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat together on the stiff parlor room couch of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. It had been (as usual) a tedious, uneventful day in the Order of the Phoenix, and seeing as how Voldemort…er He Who Must Never, Ever, EVER, Even Be Thought About In Public. At A Party. -had not yet made his move, the trio had nothing to talk about. 

Hermione, a bright and determined girl with ridiculously frizzy hair, sat clutching a book and staring at its contents with disinterest. She had already read this volume of _Magical Magic for the Magically Magical_. Ron, a tall gangly red-headed youth, was staring at the wall. A small string of slobber dripped slowly from his wide open mouth.

And Harry Potter, the most important one of them all, sat in the middle. Gazing thoughtfully at his own reflection staring back at him through a dusty mirror. His thick ebony-black hair was beautifully messy and unkempt- as though he had just enjoyed a good romp in the sack. His eyes were a dazzling emerald green. Like his mother's...

Everything was quiet until Ron, finally waking from his trance, moaned in complaint. "Blimey, Mates!" He cried, " I'm SOOOO bloo'y bored! You'd think since it is now going to be our _5TH YEAR_ at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, there'd be more eck-cite-men' 'round 'ere!"

Hermione closed her book and placed it onto the ever- growing pile of literature beside her. "Yes, Ron," she agreed, " I would think it'd be more exciting in our _5TH YEAR_, but we will just have to wait and see how things turn out-"

"But I'm SOOOOOO booooooor'd!" he whined. " Everyting's always the same 'ere!"

"I know what you mean," said Harry, not taking his amazing eyes from the mirror. "I wish I-"

"And this house!" Ron went on, "I'm SOOOOO tired of-"

"QUIET RON!" Hermione suddenly roared causing Ron to jump in his seat. " **HARRY'S** TALKING!" she quickly collected herself, and turned to Harry smiling brightly, "You were saying, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry said. "I only wished that there was another person in our trio," he finally tore his sparkling stare away from his image and looked to the others, seeking support. "Wouldn't it be just swell if some other person were to insert themselves into our lives?"

Ron and Hermione broke into huge grins. "Yes it would!" they chorused, "Absolutely!"

"Blimey, I wish it'd be a girl," said Ron, excited at the idea. "She'd be bloo'y beau'iful, in our _5TH YEAR_, and 'mazing and 'alented too!"

"That would be perfect!" Hermione squealed in delight. "If there were another girl around here, we'd be able to do girly things together! Maybe she could even give me a make over so I'd be popular just like her!"

The two of them exchanged looks of joy and then turned to Harry, waiting for his response. "Yes...," said Harry, deep in thought. "If only there was a person here that could share my teen angst and troubles- oh the woe!- with...if only there was a single girl in this world who has a past as terrible as mine or more so...If only there was a person who knew what it was like to be hunted by Voldemort-" Ron had a seizure. "-and if ONLY she could save us!"

"From what-?" Hermione began.

"Oh the woe!" cried Harry. Harry, by this time, was on his feet and shouting his woes to the ceiling. Ron and Hermione both placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

"It's ok, mate," said Ron, grinning. " Someday...," he looked off dreamily to the wall.

"Yes, Harry," nodded Hermione, sitting back down on the sofa, pulling out another book _Magicky Magical Magicery Volume 34, _"That day will come...," she sighed. "...Someday."

Harry's mossy gaze fell to the floor in lost hope. _That day will never come, _he thought glumly. _I will never meet the girl of my dreams. _The three of them sank back into the couch with despair. "Well," Hermione said sadly, "At least I still have my books..."

But before any of them could reply, a brilliant light shone through the dusty window and the three friends could hear the tinkling of bells, soft music, and the sound of someone playing the harp.

"Gasp!"

The three were shocked as an breathtaking, obviously talented, and overly-beautiful,girl flew right through the window on a broom, straight for them!

The stunning figure landed daintily to the ground right in front of Harry, beaming. "Hello!" she said, her golden voice rang like the bells of a church. "I'm Mary!"

She stood there before them, with her hands on her hips, and her broom hovering at her side. She was tall, just an inch shorter than Harry, with long Golden Hair, and Beautiful Eyes that were a Marvelous Emerald Green. Like Harry's...

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